Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, beer. Big fan.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
