When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if only i could text you this smell
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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