THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
