ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
