we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're too hungover to prance.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize