how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
