please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
