If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
