This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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