I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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