I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
