did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize