u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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