He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
