there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
