Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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