so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
