i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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