I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
