Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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