i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
