if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
