she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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