I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
