two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
