She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
