I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
