3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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