You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
