Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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