remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
