I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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