Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
