pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
