Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
