Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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