I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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