I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
God, I missed his penis.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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