i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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