i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
