We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
