i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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