i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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