Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
