The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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