dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
