So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
