sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
