I could make wine with my vomit
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
