Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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