Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I forget how to act sober
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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