similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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