I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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