There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
