...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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