I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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