oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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