I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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