like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
