I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
