Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
