The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
