It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
