he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
