If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
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remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.