I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing