NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
