I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
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I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.