hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!