If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
