3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
