i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize