Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
