I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
