So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
