This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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