Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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