Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
