we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
