dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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